


In A Field Full of Clovers

by inaxistent



Category: ITZY (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, F/F, Fanfiction, Fate & Destiny, Fiction, LGBTQ Themes, Love, My First Fanfic, Original Fiction, Romance, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:00:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23801209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inaxistent/pseuds/inaxistent
Summary: Ryujin does not have any idea why she and Yeji kept getting pulled together into each other’s lives. The first time, it was the beginning of something; the second time, it was the loss of a chance; the third time…“Maybe if I run into you again, I’ll think that you and I are meant to be.”
Relationships: Hwang Yeji/Shin Ryujin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32





	In A Field Full of Clovers

Ryujin has been sitting in front of her desk for hours now, scribbling down on the pastel blue paper she bought at the nearby stationery store and soon after crumpling it up and throwing it aimlessly at the trash. Every single paper missed the bin, getting cluttered in her room—just like her thoughts.

It was messy. She can’t find the right words to say, or should we say in this situation, to write.

“I should have written it in a scratch first. What a waste of paper.” Ryujin groaned before pulling out her notebook from her bag.

Yeji’s birthday is nearing and she doesn’t have anything to give except this stupid letter she can’t even get started with. She thought of buying her a cake but decided not to because maybe it was too much for a friend. Well, as if Ryujin sees Yeji only as a friend.

* * *

_Happy birthday!_

_I couldn’t get you anything expensive as a gift and I can only afford this paper at the moment so please bear with me._

_It was October 31 when you messaged me online, out of nowhere._

Ryujin remembers it perfectly. It was around 12:33AM when she saw Yeji’s chat, telling that her posts online has been very concerning so she decided to check up on her, after years of not seeing nor talking to each other.

_The last time I saw you was back in elementary._

They used to be schoolmates. Yeji just transferred during fifth grade while Ryujin was in fourth grade. She wouldn’t know who Yeji was if she wasn’t linked in a “love team” with Hyun, who turned out to be Yeji’s distant cousin.

“He likes you! I think he fell in love when he saw you dancing.” those are Yeji’s first words you to the younger.

It’s absurd. They were like, seven to nine years old but has already been saying they’re “in love”. Were feelings this quick to develop?

Ryujin was a born dancer. She’s a member of the dance club and have been performing for the school since second grade. Yeji then joined the club since she was a dancer as well in her former school.

This is where they started to get to know each other. The two, together with the older’s friends, hung out almost every recess and dismissal time. Don’t get it wrong, Ryujin’s in good terms with her classmates, she just liked spending time with the fifth graders—she basically became one of them.

_It’s been a long time since we kept in touch. I honestly thought we won’t get to talk again._

“Will we ever talk again?” she asked the older, hoping she’d say yes and fortunately, she did.

“Of course we will! I’ll just transfer to a high school but you’re still my friend.” Yeji responded, enthusiastically, excited of the thought that she’s now graduating. “Besides, I still have to get you and Hyun together.” She giggled at her added sentence.

It’s cute, almost irresistible. Ryujin didn’t know when she liked hearing the laughter, but if there’s one thing she knows she likes, it’s this…

“I like girls.”

It’s quite unexplainable why; Ryujin just knows she does. There’s this different feeling with girls that makes her like them more than the opposite gender.

She took a deep breath as she saw the latter’s baffled reaction. What would she say about this? Will this change anything? Would it be better if it wasn’t said?

What came next brought her to confusion—Yeji laughed loudly, almost crying out tears.

“So that’s why you weren’t interested in guys at all! I thought you were just chic and playing hard to get.” Ryujin felt relieved. Does this mean she’s not mad about it?

“Okay, I’ll stop setting you up with Hyun. Answer me instead.”

“Answer what?”

“Who made you feel that way?”

“What do you mean?”

“Isn’t there someone who made you think that you like girls? Did you realize you were gay because you felt attracted to a specific girl, or did it just happen that you like girls? I’m curious.”

Ryujin didn’t expect this, at all. She thought it would be the simpler questions like ‘when did you know you were gay?’ or ‘are you attracted to girls only or to both sex?” or at the very most ‘do your parents know about this?”. Yeji caught her off guard.

“It just happened?” it came out more like a question than a statement.

The latter let out a small giggle at the answer. “Say it more confidently Ryu! There isn’t a wrong answer.”

“It just happened.”

This time it sounded like how it should be— or is it? Yeji said there’s no wrong answer, but why did it feel like this wasn’t the right one?

* * *

Ryujin didn’t know if something went wrong or if both of them just didn’t want to be the one to message first but they ended up not talking after Yeji’s graduation.

_Thank you for asking me how I am that time, I really needed that. I was in a really low place. It was dark, almost as if I’m blind, but you brought me light._

“It’s been what, five, six years? I missed you!”

“We’re in college now, how was it?”

“It was quite hectic. I met a few friends, and oh! I’m still classmates with Hyun. Remember him?”

“Of course! You even tried to hook me up with him.”

Both of them chuckled inside the coffee shop as they reminisce. Despite messaging each other almost every day for weeks, this is the first time again meeting up in person. Yeji initiated it, telling Ryujin to talk about her problems in person.

Ryujin has always been gloomy. She wasn’t the type to be vocal with her problems, even to her college best friends, Chaeryeong and Yuna. She prefers hearing other people’s sweet dreams while she keeps all the nightmares for herself. She didn’t want to be a burden—even if she really isn’t.

However, here she is, wholeheartedly telling all the pain to Yeji, the problems she’s been bottling since then. There’s something with the older that made her unconsciously open up. Was it the years of friendship, or was it something else? She’s been figuring it out since they parted.

“Speaking of! Tell me about your love life a bit, Ryujin.”

As much as it is expected, Ryujin is scared the conversation will come to this point.

“I don’t have much to say. I don’t have anyone.”

“Really? I thought you already had a girlfriend when I saw your wallpaper.” Yeji let out a smile, her eyes forming into crescent moons, as Ryujin took a glance of the photo of her and Yuna on her phone.

“Oh, this? It’s one of my two best friends. The other one doesn’t really like putting her face on my phone.” Ryujin explained, referring to Chaeryeong on the last bit.

“So you didn’t get a chance with the one who made you gay?” the latter joked around.

“No.”

The younger one surprised herself with those two letters she blurted out. Why would she say that? Isn’t it just because? Who would she even like back in elementary?

She swiftly looked up to the older, who seemed to not hear what she just said, just busy sipping her drink.

“Why don’t you tell me your love story instead?” she tried hard dodging the question.

It all made sense now. It’s the cat-like features, the long, silky hair that is always put up into a ponytail but leaves everyone breathless when it’s let down, the joyful laughs that slips out on the littlest things, the sharp yet fluid movements executed at every dance step, the thoughtfulness and the intimacy at every friendly gestures.

Maybe she knows it’s Hwang Yeji all this time—maybe she just doesn’t want to admit it.

Does this mean it’s still her even after years? Damn, Ryujin. You are whipped.

“It’s already been four months since my boyfriend broke up with me.” Yeji was too caught up with her own story to notice Ryujin spacing out. “We were together for almost four years.”

Just great, Shin Ryujin. You just had to make your life more miserable by falling for a straight girl.

“Tell me more.”

* * *

_We met again, for the second time. Hung out for a few months, and more to come. It’s like fate gave us a second chance. We wouldn’t want it to go to waste, right? Let’s make the most of our time._

They went out on a few dates, or that’s how Yeji would call it—Ryujin liked the term. Ever since she admitted things to herself, she’s been quite cautious with the latter’s every move. She would stiffen up everytime Yeji wraps her arms around hers, hold hands with her, or says I love you because even if it was done only as friends, Ryujin wishes it meant something more.

Yeji would wait for Ryujin at her university gate, invite her to go eat street foods, talk about random stuffs, stay at their favorite coffee house till it closes down, send her home, and even calls until late night.

Who wouldn’t fall at this point? Hwang Yeji is too... endearing.

_And if we drift apart for the second time, maybe we’ll be brought back together again. The third time is the charm, remember?_

As if it’s a curse, what was said in the letter did happen. At the very least, Ryujin managed to give her letter to Yeji before losing her again for an unidentified reason.

Originally, they planned to go watch a movie together on Yeji’s birthday but she took a rain check, saying her friends planned to celebrate at her home. Ryujin didn’t want to be clingy, so she said okay and asked to meet up for a while instead so she can give the pastel paper and the brownies she succeeded baking on her second try.

They met at Ryujin’s favorite bookstore and as soon as they did, she put her gift inside the latter’s backpack and told her to read the letter when she gets home because she’ll get shy if it was read in front of her. They conversed only for a few minutes before Yeji went to her friends.

* * *

Ryujin’s in front of her desk again, spacing out in front of the notebook where she wrote her original letter for the older. She kept glancing at the sentence crossed out between the paragraphs.

_~~Maybe if I run into you again, I’ll think that you and I are meant to be.~~ _

It was the only sentence that didn’t make it to the pastel blue paper she gave. After Yeji’s birthday, she stopped messaging Ryujin. She even gets dry replies from her everytime she takes courage and starts the conversation. She then gave up, thinking that maybe the older is too busy doing school works. She didn’t want to disturb her.

“Wanna go watch a movie? I heard there’s a great movie released this week!”

“Ryu! Come with us and stop sulking in here.”

Hearing Ryujin’s story made Yuna and Chaeryeong believe less in second chances and fate. This is only one of the few stories that Ryujin cared to share to the two, that’s why they came to visit their heartbroken friend with the goal of making her step outside her house.

After a few more persuasions, they finally got her to come with them.

* * *

_I’d still be your friend even if we stop talking. You can come say hi to me anytime and tell me stories. We’re still friends after six years of no communication, we can still make it no matter how many years pass._

“Ryujin? Hi!”

They just finished the film and Yeji really just happened to watch at the same cinema as them three.

“Oh, hi!” Ryujin tried sounding as nonchalant as she can when the latter hugged her tight.

“I’m so sorry for not messaging you. It’s been months, right?”

“It’s okay.” She heard Yuna and Chaeryeong scoff at her. She’s such a bad liar.

“It’s the third time talking again after so long, it feels like the charm you’re saying.”

At this point, Ryujin was holding way too deeply at the sentence she crossed out. She ran into her again, for the third time; is this fate finally making things right? All she can do is hope for it to be meant to be.

“You’re here with your friends?” The older asked.

“Yeji right? We heard a lot about you from Ryu.” Yuna took over the conversation and Ryujin was just thankful her friend didn’t say anything bad.

“I’m Yuna! This is Chaeryeong, and yes, we came together.” Yuna joyfully answered the question. “What about you? Do you have company?”

“Actually, yes! I came with someone, she’s just in the comfort r—there she is!”

Yeji then pulled the girl towards them. “This is Jisu.”

“Hello!” the long-haired stanger greeted.

“Hi Jisu!” The three said in unison.

“She’s my girlfriend.”

Ryujin felt her heart drop at the statement.

“Y-your what?” she can’t help but stutter.

“My girlfriend.”

“Girl space friend, or girlfriend as in lover girlfriend?” Chaeryeong asks, hoping it was the former.

“Girlfriend as in we’re dating!” Yeji lifted up their intertwined hands and left a kiss on Jisu’s cheek.

Damn it, Chaeryeong shouldn’t have asked.

“Aren’t you straight?” Ryujin blurted out.

“I didn’t say I am, silly! I’m bisexual.”

“Oh.”

The outside of the cinema fell a bit too silent that you can almost hear Ryujin’s glass heart shattering into a million pieces, and the thought she’d been holding onto broke together with it.

_Enjoy your day! This will be the best day of your life, I’m sure of it._

“I confessed to her on my birthday and we became official then.”

“I guess you did have the best day huh.” That came out almost as a whisper.

“I think the letter you gave acted as my lucky charm. Maybe you’re my four-leaf clover.”

Ryujin was at loss for words. In fact, she felt mute hearing all of this from Yeji. She wished she was deaf instead, or maybe blind as well.

_I love you!_

Ryujin would be lying if she said she was done loving Yeji; it wouldn’t be gone with just a few months when she held it in for years. She doesn’t even know if she’ll ever be done. All those I love you’s she said, she meant in every single way while the I love you’s she received don’t even reach halfway as hers.

“We have to go. See you around!”

God bless Chaeryeong and Yuna for taking her away from despair.

* * *

Chaeryeong kept pacing around the room while Yuna stayed beside Ryujin, giving her tissues as she’s been crying for no one knows how long now.

“So you’re telling me that Yeji is not straight? I thought you told us that she’s the ‘no homo’ type?”

“She had a boyfriend for almost four years. Of course I wouldn’t think she likes girls.”

“You should have at least shoot your shot!”

“I tried!"

Ryujin doesn’t know if she’s not sending enough clear signals that she likes Yeji, or if Yeji just doesn’t react on it. It’s painful enough that Yeji can’t see her as more than a friend since she’s ‘straight’, but the knife thrusts deeper into the heart because that she likes girls too but she still wouldn’t choose Ryujin. Even if she knew the older’s a bisexual, it wouldn’t change the fact that she won’t love her back, and it is haunting enough to bring out another stream of tears from Ryujin’s eyes.

“Please leave for now. I want to be alone.”

The two had no choice but to step outside the room despite worrying for their friend. All they can do is wish for her to be okay soon without doing anything stupid.

Ryujin collapsed to the bed and hugged her pillow hard as her sobs gradually grew louder. She tried convincing herself that it will be okay, but it doesn’t work.

It’s ironic that she said it was absurd to fall in love at a young age when she’d been in love for the same person she told that to back in elementary.

She can’t blame Yeji. All she can do is blame herself for spending years attached to the wrong person. She shouldn’t have tried to figure it out when the older graduated primary. She shouldn’t have replied to the sudden message after years. She shouldn’t have agreed to meet up and come to the realization that it was her who she loves. She shouldn’t have thought romantically at her every move. She shouldn’t have messaged first after the latter’s birthday. She shouldn’t have watched that movie and see her with her girlfriend.

She shouldn’t have kept questioning why they always drift apart when she should’ve kept away in the first place.

She shouldn’t have had her hopes up and believed that they’d work out the third time they meet.

Now, here she is, heartstrings torn whilst the reason for it doesn’t have a single clue.

She was wrong. Fate did not pull them together again. What fate did is to pull them apart—it’s Ryujin who tried hard keeping contact.

“Maybe you’re my four-leaf clover.” Those words were tattooed inside her head.

Maybe Ryujin is Yeji’s, but Yeji is not Ryujin’s.

Four-leaf clovers give good omens for faith, hope, fortune, or even love for the finder. You are lucky enough to find one.

Yeji is not it.

In the field of clovers Ryujin is in, Hwang Yeji is nothing but a three-leaf clover disguised as a four-leaved one.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! 😸
> 
> This is my first fiction in here so please be considerate since I'm not that good at writing. :(( I'll work harder on the following works. Constructive criticisms and feedback are very much appreciated.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Lovelots! <3


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